novelsite Chapter 50 I am studying
Chapter 50 I am studying
In a sense, Song Juexiao's story is not particularly special.
After his older brother died when he was six years old, Song Juexiao became the only child in the family.
Her mother had originally planned to have another child.
Ten-year-old Song Juexiao disobeyed his teachers' teachings for the first time and used his supernatural abilities on an ordinary person—his own mother.
Jiang Xing glanced at ten-year-old Song Juexiao squatting beside his mother and said in a gentle yet firm tone, "Mom, you'll only have me as your child, right?"
Song Juexiao's mother, Mu Mu, nodded blankly.
However, at that time, the little girl was not yet able to control her abilities well, so Song Juexiao's mother gave up the idea of having another child. At the same time, she also forgot about the child she once had, Song Juexiao's older brother.
"In fact, I don't regret it at all." Song Juexiao typed on his phone screen while showing it to Jiang Xingni.
The green eyes stared uneasily at Jiang Xingni's expression, seemingly filled with fear—but at the same time, there was also a hint of anticipation.
"I just feel that I should have been more careful back then," Song Juexiao continued typing.
If she had been more careful, her mother wouldn't have found out about her brother's affair, and she wouldn't have been disliked by her mother. She would still be able to receive her mother's love.
"Then why don't you just go all the way and do it all..." Jiang Xing smiled as she stroked Song Juexiao's long hair, the red strands falling from her fingertips like clouds bathed in the sunset. "Why don't you just make your mother love you because of your superpower?"
Song Juexiao did not answer, but Jiang Xingni knew, and was very clear, what kind of answer she would give.
She is a girl who values love very much. It is precisely because she values love that Song Juexiao cares about whether she or her brother loves her more, and that she does not want her love to be taken away by her younger sibling. That is why she chooses not to use her superpowers to force her mother to love her.
Song Juexiao cared too much about the purity of love.
To be honest, Jiang Xingni didn't understand her attitude towards love, but it wasn't something Jiang Xingni should judge. Who she loved, whose love she wanted, and why she developed this personality... what did it have to do with Jiang Xingni?
The story in the flashback has progressed to the point where Song Juexiao's mother discovers that she has memory problems and silently begins to distance herself from Song Juexiao.
The ten-year-old girl didn't know what was wrong with her behavior. She just looked at her mother with longing eyes and asked softly, "Why?"
Why don't you want me anymore?
—Am I not your daughter?
—Don't mothers always love their daughters unconditionally?
—My brother is dead, and I won't have any younger siblings, so why don't you love me?
At that moment, Song Juexiao was picked up by her grandmother.
The grandmother, holding the young girl in her arms, berated her daughter-in-law, "This is your own daughter! How could you treat a child like this?"
"Xiaoxiao is so young, what could she possibly do that's unforgivable? What does she even know?"
"You're just deliberately making things difficult for our Xiaoxiao!" Grandma had a big argument with Song Juexiao's mother and then left with Song Juexiao.
"Actually, I know Mom wasn't wrong," Song Juexiao typed calmly on his phone. "It was my fault, but at that time..."
Before he could finish typing the sentence, Song Juexiao paused for a moment on the phone screen with his fingertips, then silently deleted all the words.
"Forget it, there's nothing to argue about, it was indeed my fault." Song Juexiao handed it to Jiang Xingni.
Since being taken away by my grandmother, the overall tone of my memories has become increasingly soft.
Grandma would buy groceries and cook the day after Song Juexiao casually mentioned what he wanted to eat.
If she only had one yuan in her pocket, she would still buy Song Juexiao the ice cream she wanted.
Although Song Juexiao had grown tired of these flavors during his time learning from his teacher.
Song Juexiao did indeed receive her grandmother's undivided favor, just as she had wanted—even though her brother had already died.
"Grandma died when I was fifteen." Song Juexiao's fingers tapped on the phone screen, his light green eyes still fixed on Jiang Xingni's face.
At her bedside, fifteen-year-old Song Juexiao held his grandmother's hand and whispered, "Do you love me?"
Seventeen-year-old Song Juexiao calmly watched this scene, continuing to type out what he wanted to say on his phone screen: "That's why I didn't ask that weirdo those questions."
—Because the question Song Juexiao wanted to ask already had an answer when he was fifteen.
At that time, Grandma Song Juexiao's vision had already become blurred.
Her hand trembled as she stroked Song Juexiao's face, and in her final moments, she uttered the name of her brother, Song Juexiao.
"Song Jueyun... Ayun..." Grandma murmured softly. "Of course Grandma loves you."
Fifteen-year-old Song Juexiao bit his lower lip and asked the question again: "I am Song Juexiao, not Song Jueyun. He has been dead for nine years, Grandma."
Do you love me?
She suppressed the urge to say "You love me" directly.
Grandma's pupils gradually cleared, and then she chuckled, "Juexiao."
She looked at Song Juexiao's face, her tone heavy: "Of course Grandma loves you, but why aren't you a boy?"
Grandma's tone was one of utter genuine confusion; even with her eyes closed, she kept murmuring, "Why aren't you a boy? I wish you were a little boy..."
"Did you get the answer you wanted?" Jiang Xing glanced at the scene gradually darkening, turned his head, and asked Song Juexiao softly.
Song Juexiao shook his head, then nodded.
"No answer is also an answer," Song Juexiao replied to Jiang Xingni.
The scenes in her memory gradually faded, and the little girl who had been nestled in Jiang Xingni's arms grew into a young woman. The girl, who had witnessed everything she had been obsessed with in the first half of her life, showed little emotion.
She still doesn't know whether her mother or grandmother liked her brother more or her a little more.
How much of this affection stems from the fact that the older brother is already dead?
If forced to choose between the two, who would her family choose?
Song Juexiao didn't know the answers; the answers to these questions had long been buried with the deaths of his older brother and grandmother, and his mother's estrangement and forgetfulness.
Song Juexiao was well aware that he would never get the answer in his life.
"I'm learning to let go," she typed. "It's difficult, but I'm learning."
The scene before them gradually dimmed, and Jiang Xingni silently grasped Song Juexiao's hand.
She did not answer.
"Who will be next?" she asked the system in her mind.