novelsite Chapter 185 She is her
Chapter 185 She is her
She felt like something was wrong with the whole world.
But she didn't know what the problem was.
What was her name again? I can't remember.
There are very few opportunities for her to talk about her own name.
More often than not, she is simply referred to as "Mom," "parent of XX," or "wife of XX."
Who is xx? She couldn't remember either.
The names, when they reached her ears, became indistinct sounds.
I couldn't hear the specific intonation, nor could I distinguish the words spoken.
However, when someone calls her, she can recognize that they are calling her.
After dropping her son off at school, she returned home somewhat dazed.
This is her sixth year of marriage.
She has begun to forget what she used to do, what she thought, and what kind of life she might have led.
But to be honest, she thought that she had actually been quite happy over the past six years...?
She was somewhat bewildered. The moment the thought arose, she felt that her idea was terrifying, but another thought followed immediately.
What's so scary about it? You've been living like this for almost six years now, and you're used to it, aren't you?
She shook her head, banishing the first thought that crossed her mind, and then took the clothes her husband and their two children had changed out of to the laundry room.
We actually have a washing machine at home.
However, she still felt that hand washing clothes was cleaner than machine washing.
For so many years, she has washed all the family's clothes by hand, one by one. Even in the dead of winter, when the water was freezing cold, she never "cheated" by using a washing machine.
She laughed as she scrubbed the clothes—she remembered how her hands used to hurt when washing clothes, but now they had thick calluses, and the clothes were getting cleaner and cleaner.
It took her an entire morning just to wash and dry all the family's clothes and hang them on the balcony to dry.
She picked up a flat mop and cleaned up the water stains in the laundry room.
The edge of the mop scoops the water toward the drain, where it swirls and flows downwards.
Once all the water had been wiped away, she mopped it again.
The sun was shining brightly outside the window. After thinking for a moment, she went into the master bedroom, pulled off all the sheets and duvet covers, and put on new bedspreads and duvet covers.
She also put a sheet on the other side of the bed where her husband usually sleeps.
In addition to a pillowcase, a pillow towel should also be placed on top of the pillow.
Although she didn't know why, she knew that her husband's sheets and blankets would all turn yellow after sleeping on them for a long time. Someone told her that men are like that, and that the color would fade.
Use a lint roller to lint the newly laid mattress.
Looking at the neatly tidied bedroom, she felt a sense of satisfaction.
As expected of her.
Fortunately, her husband eats lunch at the company cafeteria and doesn't come home for lunch, so she only needs to cook herself a simple lunch.
Otherwise, if the lunch she made didn't suit her husband's taste, she thought, he would hit her again.
She opened the window to ventilate the bedroom, then walked towards the kitchen.
She can make anything for lunch; she doesn't need much rice since she's eating alone. She just rinses half a cup of raw rice and cooks it, washes a few tomatoes, cuts them into chunks, and sprinkles them with white sugar.
A simple lunch is ready.
While eating lunch, she scrolled through her phone, looking at the online debates about "housewives" and "maternity leave," and suddenly recalled the time before she got married.
But six years have passed, and those memories have all become quite blurry.
She only remembered that she seemed to have a very good friend in college, who was her roommate.
She had originally planned to invite her to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, but for some reason, her roommate didn't attend the wedding in the end.
Perhaps my roommate doesn't understand my current lifestyle.
She thought that, after all, many young women online couldn't understand her current lifestyle.
But she really feels that she is doing very well now.
Although she has two children to take care of, her mother-in-law still held her hand and said that she should respond to the three-child policy and try to have another child for her husband.
Although her husband's salary was not high, he loved to gamble and would beat her when he lost.
Although she doesn't have a job, she has to ask her husband for money to buy groceries or clothes, and she will be scolded for half a month if she spends a hundred or two yuan.
But she felt she had done a good job.
She still remembers when she first got married, she was so used to ordering takeout that she didn't even know how to cook.
Now I can skillfully cook three dishes and a soup for my husband and children, and wash the dishes and chopsticks silently while they finish eating and rest.
Her cooking skills are much better than they were six years ago.
Even if her husband only gives her a little over a thousand yuan a month, she can still use that thousand yuan to buy the most suitable things and keep the whole house in perfect order.
She knows exactly when the supermarkets in the area have discounts, and which farmers' markets have the freshest and cheapest produce—she knows all of these things perfectly well.
Looking back, she only knew how to buy groceries from shopping malls and food delivery services, but now she has learned a lot.
She has two children, the older one is in kindergarten and the younger one is still breastfeeding at home, and she is able to take good care of both of them in their daily lives.
Picking up and dropping off the children, putting them to sleep... all of these were her responsibilities.
She felt that it was really not easy for her to do so many things so skillfully.
After taking another bite of food, she could see posts online saying that women shouldn't be housewives, or posts mocking married people like her as "married donkeys."
She clicked "not interested" on all of them and quickly refreshed the page, pretending that she hadn't seen anything.
She could hear a screaming voice inside her.
—Damn this world, damn this fate, she's not like that, she'll never become that kind of person, she'd rather die than face such a future.
But she didn't know who was screaming, nor did she know what kind of person she could become besides the person she was now.
So much time had passed that she couldn't even remember her own name, and naturally, she had no idea what that voice in her heart was screaming about.
What is there to complain about? She wondered, puzzled.
Isn't she doing just fine now?
Although her husband occasionally commits domestic violence, and although she sometimes feels that she shouldn't just be a victim, but rather be able to easily resolve everything.
……but.
she does not know.
She put all her thoughts out of her mind.
After finishing the meal, I started washing the dishes.
Then she turned around.
I saw the baby lying on the bed.
"Song Juexiao".
The name simply came to mind.
At that moment, all the sounds finally tore through the thin fog that had been obscuring her vision and mind, surging and impacting her limbs. Her fingertips trembled uncontrollably; she wanted to scream, she wanted to smash the world.
This is her.
She is herself.